Quarter-Life Crisis

And I’m literally stuck.

I’m supposed to write a post-birthday blog days ago but I’ve been trying to find that right spot/feeling/inspiration that I normally have. The events these past few days actually made me realize that I am really facing the so-called, infamous “life’s reality”. Don’t get me wrong, I love composing creative write-ups! I’ve been doing a lot of it since my student years and I can say that I am pretty good with it. But this time… it’s just… blah…

Confused. Where have I been these past 25 years?

As a child, I remember myself wondering how I would be like when I grow up. I used to imagine (yes, I have a very imaginative mind) myself being on top and excelling on everything I do. I knew back then that I have the guts and guns to fulfill this—and somehow I succeeded on some of them during my school years. So I graduated. Then I was a writer, 4 months; Graphic Specialist/Assistant Trainer, 1 year and 5 months. Account Executive for OOH, 1 year and 7 months. Now, where to go?

Happy. Who wouldn’t be with all my experiences these past 25 years?

I can boast that I was raised by a family that believes positivity can overpower even the loudest noise of negativity; that mistakes are just stumbling blocks and lessons are stepping stones toward a brighter and stable future. I have never forgotten all about it. I doubt that I will ever forget it. This belief will be forever carved in my heart. Now, what hinders me to share this?

THIS is my quarter-life crisis: I am stuck in between a confused mind and a happy heart.

When will this end?

What will happen next after this ends?

How will I manage to cope up with the happenings beyond this end?

That, I do not know as of the moment. Only one thing’s for sure: I will not let myself be stuck here because I will find the answers.

Those red, dotted lights…

The first one was out of curiosity.

The second one was to celebrate.

The third…

It was really dark. Even my 20/20 vision did not surpass the dimmest place I’ve been to since I learned to close my eyes intentionally in broad daylight. All you had to do was to muster enough courage to walk through the corridors, beam your most charming smile and act like you’re the sexiest man alive.

Like most of my past experiences, this was indeed unforgettable. Believe it or not, I never imagined being in such place before. For me it was among the last venues that I would explore to express myself. I guess the queer in me wanted to be touched and be explored in a very dirty way for once—or twice…

Though it seems that I am ashamed, I am not.

The thing is after that second successful attempt, I found myself in a Final Destination-like event. Two things: 1) I was almost hit by a van whose being driven backwards by a stupid driver, and 2) the bus I rode was hit by an another bus in the same fleet. Weird was it? Yes.

Am I still up for a third time? I...